Posted in Dating, personal

Dates 2 and 3

About 10 days ago I wrote a post about a really good first date I had. Since then I have been on date number 2 and 3 with her and, what can I say… I like her. (Gonna nickname her Elle).

Date number 2 took place 1 week after the first date. I used the things I’d learned about her from the first date to suggest something I knew she’d be into for the second date. We went to see some live music. We grabbed some food first, then went to the gig. I paid for the tickets so she insisted on paying for dinner, which I thought was fair enough – it was just a burger and chips so hardly bank breaking.

It was a laid-back, chilled out, mildly swanky music venue on a beautiful, balmy, summery London evening. Perfect. We drank expensive cocktails, chatted, laughed, enjoyed the music and stayed out pretty late – almost until midnight.

Once again, it was good fun. I was very comfortable around her and it seemed as though the feeling was mutual. We said our goodbyes at the tube station and my suggestion of doing something at the weekend was greeted positively.

Date number 3 was arranged rather spontaneously on Saturday. We went to play crazy golf! Personally, I think this is a great idea for a fun date. Fortunately, so did she.

Afterwards, we went back to her place for a bit, went for dinner, went for a drink and then called it a night. To be honest, this whole thing is quite weird for me. It’s been so long since I liked someone who, for some reason, seems to like me too.

We talked a lot of the night about various random things; silly and serious. Spent some time replying to friends and family who were checking to make sure we were okay following the horrific incidents in London on Saturday night. We were in central London that day but thankfully we were safe.

So I don’t know if this will head anywhere. I don’t even really know how interested she is or what she’s thinking. But I guess it doesn’t really matter at this early stage. Just have fun should, and will, be the ethos.

She did oh so casually ask me if I had been on any dates since we’d first gone out. To which I said no, which is true. I haven’t even looked at the site in all honesty. I didn’t ask, but she said she hadn’t been on any either.

Funnily enough, whilst we were out on Saturday, I did receive a text from someone from the online dating world who I’d been trying to arrange a first date with since before I met Elle. It’s now Monday night and I still haven’t replied. I don’t know what to do about it. Should I go on the first date? My problem is that I am loyal to a fault and I just don’t know if I’d feel comfortable going on a first date with someone else. If I was more ‘meh’ about Elle then I’d probably be more open to going out with this other girl.

On the one hand, first dates are a massive pain in the arse and I don’t want to put myself through one unnecessarily. On the other hand, I think I should go on a date with this other girl because, let’s face it, 3 dates is nothing, this thing with Elle could be finished at any moment, and maybe I’m missing out on meeting someone really great.

What would you do?

When we were chilling at Elle’s place, her phone buzzed a couple of times and she’d be quite open about how it was a notification from the dating website to say she’d received a message from someone new. She said it in kind of a jokey way and I don’t know if this is odd or not but it didn’t really bother me. I just made a joke asking if I could reply to it and thought no more of it. So, you know, this whole thing is quite relaxed.

Anyway, I guess it’s been a relatively interesting 10 days since my last post.

I’ve not yet been on a 4th date with anyone from the online dating world so I’m on the cusp of an historic moment here people. So here I go, stepping into the unknown and – trust me when I say – not knowing what I’m doing.

Posted in Dating, Online Dating, personal

Grate (great date)

Last week, I had a shit date (or a shate, as I called it). Last night, I had what was easily the best first date I’ve had yet, certainly from the online world, and possibly the offline one as well.

Prior to it, I was more nervous than usual. I had ‘vetted’ her more than the girl I had last week’s shate with in as much as I chatted to her more online, exchanged more messages and got to know her a bit better first.

I was waiting outside the tube station we’d agreed to meet, she spotted me first and said hello. Any nerves instantly disappeared. There was something very relaxing about this girl. Something so accessible. She was so friendly and smiley and chatty. I enjoyed her company from the start.

We went to the pub I had selected and before we knew it, four hours had gone by. There are a lot of similarities between us. Really random and obscure things to do with family, places lived, the kinds of jobs we have, sport, music.

There were no airs and graces about her. It felt like she was just being herself and being real. I’ve rarely felt so comfortable so quickly in the company of someone I’ve only just met before. I made her laugh a lot as well. By not even trying to be funny. Just talking silly nonsense.

It’s weird, you can think you’ve had good first dates before but it’s only by going on a date like last night that means you can look back on what you thought was a good first date and think, actually that was average.

Anyway, so after the pub, I suggested food and she was up for it so we went for pizza and it was great.

I’ve had first dates before, where I’ve left it and asked myself, would I like to see her again? And often the answer is along the lines of an unenthusiastic ‘I guess so’.

For this one, it’s probably the first time it’s a convincing ‘yes’ and I would be disappointed if I got a ‘thanks but no thanks’ response to a second date suggestion.

At the end of the date, I didn’t do the usual ‘nice to meet you’, ‘this was fun’ or whatever bog standard lines get used because it just seemed obvious – we’d been out together for 6 hours. So I just said something like ‘let’s do something next week’, to which I got a ‘yes’ and a ‘smile’.

Posted in Dating, Online Dating, personal

Instant Gratification

We live in a world where instant gratification is everywhere and I think it is having a detrimental effect on the way we live our lives. And the way we date.

Think about it.

‘I want instant access to a library of potential partners!’ Bang. Tinder.

‘I want to know the population of Mozambique!’ Bang. Google.

‘I want to watch 15 episodes of that TV show back to back!’ Bang. Netflix.

‘I want this really cool new gadget right now!’ Bang. Amazon same day delivery.

‘I want that band’s new album!’ Bang. High speed download.

You get my point.

And then this happens:

‘I want someone cool to date!’ … … [goes on rubbish date] … … ‘OH MY GOD WHY IS LIFE SO HARD AND THE WORLD IS AGAINST ME AND I HATE EVERYTHING AND IT’S JUST NOT FAIR!!!’

My generation and younger (I’m 32, so not exactly a dinosaur) have got no patience anymore. I think I’m guilty of this to an extent. I really do.

And it’s only going to get worse to the point where if anything requires even the least bit of effort or the thing that you want takes just a little bit of time to get, I can see people just not bothering.

We’re being conditioned to think that getting exactly what you want straight away is the norm and so the things in life that do require effort (and that probably deliver the greatest rewards) we will end up missing out on.

I don’t have a solution. I just woke up this morning and these thoughts were in my head and I wanted to get them out there.

Which I could. And I did. Instantly. Easily. Bang. WordPress.

Posted in Dating, Online Dating

Shate (shit date)

I am writing this post within minutes of returning home from a first date. And I have a question at the end of the post for anyone who feels like venturing an answer.

The date was a word that I came up with on the tube on the way home: a shate. A sh(it da)te.

The reason it was a shate is hard to define exactly. She was alright to talk to, I thought she was attractive, we had some laughs and certainly numerous things in common… but I have absolutely no desire to see her again.

We just didn’t click. There were a few awkward silences and I have to say I am absolutely shattered from this shate. I mean, I was quite tired anyway, and I find meeting new people exhausting at the best of times, whatever the situation. But I think I’m particularly shattered now because – and this is especially true if you’re more of an introvert than an extrovert like I am – first dates are fucking hard work.

You’re both keen to at least have a good time. Neither party wants to have wasted their time or money. So, without further ado (and largely because I’m so tired and just want to go to sleep), onto my question.

What can you take or learn from a date like this? You know like when you go for a job interview, you can always always learn something from it, regardless of how well/badly it goes. Then you can then use whatever you learned to do better in the next interview.

Do first dates work in the same way? I’m really hoping that they do and that I can learn something from this date. Other than ‘some dates are just shates and that’s just the way it is.’

Or does this dating game just not work that way?

Posted in Dating, Online Dating

Activity

Hey! I’m back! After another month (where does the time go?) I’m back because I’ve actually got something to write about dating wise.

So having taken my exam a couple weeks ago, completing my most recent best man duties, and largely being on top of things work-wise, I restored my online dating profile.

That’s right, I put myself back on the market. Open for business. And various other vaguely rude sounding analogies that have prostitution undertones.

Cue the tumbleweed, right? But to my surprise (I’m always still so surprised when this happens) I had some interest, some of it in response a message I sent, some of it initiated by the girl.

In total I’ve exchanged messages with 6 girls, 4 of whom it quickly became apparent we were not going to pursue things. The other 2, I’ve not yet been out with but I’m up for seeing what they’re like in person.

I’ve totally learned not to be the least bit invested in anyone, particularly during the messaging stage, and to be honest I think it would be a good idea to continue that mindset into the post messaging phase as it is serving me well.

So the first one I will call The Slow Responder.

I’ve given her that name because…. hmm let’s see. How can I put this? She doesn’t reply very quickly to messages. The time in between the messages I send her and the messages she sends me are lengthy.

I get it. It’s no problem. People are busy. When an entire week went by with no reply, I’d all but forgotten about her. Erased from my memory. Then a message with a ‘work has been crazy’ line in it arrived I was like, well fair enough, the same thing has happened to me before. She still seems cool. So I gave it the old “Oh yeah, I know what you mean!” treatment and then cut to the chase with something like “If you do get some time free for a drink, just drop me your number and we’ll sort something out”. That wasn’t me trying to play it cool or anything, it was just genuinely how I felt.

If someone’s really busy with other areas of their life (work or anything else), replying to some random person they’ve never met on some random website they probably don’t want to be on, is hardly going to be top priority. I know that’s what I think when I’m in that situation.

So I wanted to leave it up to her. If she thought it was worth keeping in touch, cool, but I won’t be doing any chasing.

When another week went by I was again surprised when she sent me a message containing an explanation regarding a busy work situation, a desire to meet up and her phone number. I’m already looking forward to our date which will probably take place in around 8-10 months’ time.

The second one I’ll call The Mover. Because she’s moved around a lot. Things went much faster with this one. Within 24 hours I have her phone number and we’ve made tentative plans for a date next weekend.

She seems alright, I think we have things in common and to be honest one of the reasons I moved this on more swiftly was because there’s already about 6 different things I want to talk to her about and I hate long-winded message exchanges. They’re tedious, inexpressive and basically just interminable. I’d rather chat over a drink where I can use things body language, facial expressions and other cues that you can only pick up on in person to gauge what sort of a girl she is. It’s like, she was putting questions in her messages and I was just thinking, I’d love to talk to you about that but I really can’t be arsed to do it over text.

So you see now why I had to return to the blog and divulge this ground-breaking, earth-shattering, tsunami-inducing news, right?

Watch this space. Or just come back here in a month by which time I will hopefully have written a new post.