Posted in Dating, Online Dating, personal

A really bizarre series of events

I’m going to write about a really bizarre series of events that happened a few weeks back.

Let me know what you make of this.

I had a first date planned with this girl I’d exchanged numbers with from the online dating world. We arranged to go out and then there was a strike on the London Underground. We decided two nights in advance that this would make meeting virtually impossible/an absolute nightmare and so we agreed to postpone.

The following night it was announced that the tube strike was in fact cancelled. Date back on then? We messaged about it but my date told me she had now made other plans.

Over the next day or so we arranged to meet on another night. The day before, I recieved a message from the girl to tell me that she was really sorry but she was going to a gig with her brother and that she completely forgot about because the tickets were bought so long ago.

Over the next few days, we arranged for yet another day and time to meet for our first date. The day of the date, I recieved a message from the girl to say that a friend had come over from Australia and was in her town for just one night so could we postpone.

Throughout all of this, my interest in this girl was dwindling big time as you can imagine, and I pretty much showed no enthusiasm for rearranging. Despite a complete absence of encouragement on my part, she still said she wanted to go on a date with me. I didn’t say no, but I was like ‘okay, sure’ kind of thing.

I was totally feeling just no emotion toward any contact with her at this point and was finding the whole thing quite strange. Like, when she cancelled, I wasn’t disappointed and when she expressed a continued desire to meet, I wasn’t excited either. I was just unfazed, I guess.

Anyway, a few days later, I recieved a message from her to tell me that she feels really bad but doesn’t think it’s a good time for her to start dating because she’s training for a new job and studying and thinks she needs to concentrate on those things, etc.

She ended her message by saying she would definitely be in touch and if, by the time I hear from her again, I’ve been snapped up then it would be her loss.

Some time went by – I’m not really sure how much – and I recieve another message from her. Remember, I’ve not contacted her or reached out because I firmly believe by now that we’ll never meet and I’ve lost interest. So this message starts off with a massive apology. She tells me she is sorry and that she hasn’t been entirely honest with me. She says that she has fallin in love with that friend that visited from Australia and that they are now a couple.

I was like, what the actual fuck?! I mean, I didn’t think any more of her messages could surprise me but this one was unexpected.

She was kind enough to tell me that it was just unfortunate timing, that she thought I was very handsome, funny and a good guy (bear in mind we’ve never even met!), that I will find someone and that I should hang in there.

Just the whole thing was utterly bizarre from start to finish. I don’t know if she was just saying this to spare my feelings but it did feel a little patronising particularly because we had not even met and she was saying things to me that you might say to someone after you’ve just broken their heart.

I wanted reply back with something like, “Alright love, don’t give yourself too much credit, I think I’ll be okay after missing out on someone I’ve never even met. My pillow isn’t exactly gonna be saturated with tears as I fall asleep tonight’.

But, obviously, I’m far too nice and polite to say that so I think I thanked her for letting me know and wished her all the best or something like that.

I mean, it’s impossible for me to say whether all/any/none of what she told in any of her messages is true, partially true or complete lies. It is in my nature to believe people, believe in their decency and that coincidences can happen and put people in difficult situations… but what do you make of all of that? Just put it down to internet weirdos?

Anyway, a very funny and pretty strange sequence of events ending with someone getting in a relationship. And, once again, that person not being me.

But I won’t worry. As someone recently advised me, I’ll just “hang in there”.

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Posted in Dating, Online Dating, personal

Back with a date story

There are lots of reasons why I haven’t written a post for two months. They are:

  • I couldn’t be bothered
  • I didn’t have anything particularly blog worthy to say
  • I went on holiday
  • I spent a lot of time and energy trying to find a new job
  • I got really ill (don’t worry, I recovered)
  • I moved to a new house
  • I started a new job

So, basically, I’ve been busy and lazy and that’s why I’ve not blogged.

I did go out on a second date (I forget when) with the girl from my previous post, but that has taken a friendship route. I just didn’t feel anything romantic towards her but I think we will actually remain friends.

Anyway, tonight, I went out on a first date with someone new. I don’t know what else to tell you about it other than it was a disappointment. I was hopeful it would be a fun date based on messages we’d exchanged but it was not to be. I was not that attracted to her (can’t be helped) and she just wasn’t my kind of person personality-wise either.

So I began the walk home through a chilly autumnal north London evening, seemingly surrounded by embracing, arm-linked couples, and I confess I was pretty damn fed up. In a ‘f*ck this shit’ kind of way. You know when you try to do something and consistently fail and you’re just like, ‘oh just f*cking f*ck this shit, man, I cannot be doing with it’. And you pack it in and do something else instead. Yeah, it was like that.

I have another date pencilled in with someone for next week. We had to cancel our first date because of a tube strike, then she cancelled on me for the rearranged date because her friend was unexpectedly visiting or something. By this point, I was thinking , okay, well I can take a hint. But she messaged me yesterday to say she’d still really like to go out so yeah well the hell not, I’ll give it another whirl.

Nothing ventured…

Posted in Dating, Online Dating

My first date with the girl who didn’t want to see me

Yesterday I went on a first date with a girl I’ve posted about a couple of times lately (here and here) but to recap: we messaged on the dating site for 10 days, I suggested meeting up, this was rejected though she still wanted to continue chatting, I said sure, and then after a few more days she came round to the idea of meeting up.

I was late – not the best start. And not like a little late either but 15 minutes late. I did message like 30 minutes in advance though to say I would be. But I hate lateness in general so I was annoyed at myself a little bit.

Anyway, when I got to our agreed meeting place, I looked around and I couldn’t see anyone that looked like her. Have I been catfished? Has she gotten nervous and bailed? I texted her and she phoned me back.

I was pleasantly surprised to hear a happy, bright sounding voice – I think I thought I was going to be faced with someone who was rather shy, quiet, timid and reserved. She was just around the corner from where I was so I walked over to find her, we saw one another and gave a wave.

Another pleasant surprise was that she looked better than her photo and she wasn’t the timed person I had anticipated. We even hugged upon meeting.

I have an endless conflict in my head as to whether it’s good or bad to message extensively first and I still don’t know what the answer is but I think it benefitted us both on this date. We were able to refer back to things we’d talked about previously and joke about them. It felt a bit like meeting someone I sort of knew already in that sense.

We got a fruit smoothie and went for a walk along London’s River Thames until we found a bench to perch on and we chatted about lots of things. I found myself very surprised that she had been reluctant to meet up because she’s a really interesting person. I think she thinks she’s a bit weirder than she actually is. So maybe it’s just a confidence thing but she was very chatty and smiley and I made her laugh quite a few times.

I mean, she probably is a bit more weird than the average person. I don’t think she’s into the things that the average person is into but I quite like that about her because, to be honest, I think I’m probably a bit weird as well. Quirky. Let’s call it quirky.

It wasn’t the longest of dates – we met at 4pm and I was home by like 7:30 – but it was really good. Because of her own quirky interests, she seems like a very open-minded person, therefore I was quite happy to be a bit more open than I might normally be on a first date. I felt like this was reciprocated as well with some of the things she told me.

Anyway, when I got home I recieved a message from her to say she’d had a really great time. We didn’t, and still haven’t, planned a second date but I hope we do. So far, I quite like this one.

Posted in Dating, Online Dating, personal

The girl who did and girl the who now does want to meet me

Messaged her on Wednesday night and went on the first date on Thursday night, which is the fastest that’s ever happened for me but I actually had a good time. She was very friendly, interesting, quite funny and seemed like an all-round good person.

But she’s not for me, sadly.

I’m a very relaxed, calm, laid-back sort of a person and she was she was someone who liked to be always on the go, doesn’t like sitting still, always likes to be active, etc. I couldn’t be around someone like that for an extended period of time. I would find it exhausting. Four rounds in a pub on an idle Thursday after work, sure. But not a lifetime.

So she messaged me today asking if I was free to do something tomorrow. There’s nothing to lower your mood quite like having to tell someone you’re not interested in dating them especially when they’re obviously a lovely person. And they reply with a “no worries etc” kind of message. It never fails to make me feel like a massive arse. And guilty. That’s right, a massive guilty arse.

A song came on my mp3 at random a short while later, which had lyrics I’d never really noticed before but suddenly were very apt:

And my head told my heart
Let love grow
But my heart told my head
This time no.

My head was saying ‘give it another go, have another date’ but my heart was saying ‘there’s no point.’ *sigh*

*****

In other news, the girl who didn’t want to meet me now does want to meet me and we’re meeting tomorrow. I didn’t push it, I didn’t ask her out again, this was all her idea.

She picked up on the fact that I wasn’t being particularly responsive when she’d ask me something that would naturally lend itself to a long, thoughtful answer. I simply told her that if I’m going to talk to someone about a semi-serious or deep subject then I want to do it face to face. I want access to all the non-verbal cues you get from a person that are absent from a message exchange because that’s how you build a relationship of any kind – a friendship, a business relationship, or indeed a romantic one.

I also said I use the dating site as a platform to meet someone in person in order to have the very same conversations she wants to have in text format and that I don’t have the time or inclination to sit and type out an essay to someone. None of this was done in any kind of mean way, it was just me being honest and frank with someone who I can tell appreciates that from people.

It was after this that she said she’d be up for meeting. I still don’t really know what to make of this one and I’m curious as to the sort of person I’ll be faced with. It’s funny how for the last girl I went on a date with, we went from message to meetup in record quick time, and now this one is the complete opposite.

Oh well, all good fun! Let’s see what happens.

Posted in Dating, Online Dating

The girl who doesn’t want to meet me

Alright, so here’s something slightly different from the online dating world that’s happening to me right now and I think is worth a blog post.

I’ve got chatting to this girl and when it came to, what I deemed to be, the appropriate time to suggest meeting up, I was met with rejection. Of sorts.

She said she felt like it was too soon for us to meet up and although she enjoys our messaging exchanges, she doesn’t think that vibe would translate to a face to face meeting. But that she hoped we could continue chatting until such a time as she felt confident enough to meet.

What the devil do you make of that? Is there even anything to make of that? Should it just be taken at face value? A shy person likes the sound of someone she ‘meets’ online but isn’t yet confident enough to meet in person but will do when she feels ready. Nothing peculiar about that, is there?

I just checked and it’s actually only been 10 days since I sent my opening message, which I guess isn’t actually that many. It just feels like a long time ago for some reason. It was on day 5 that I forward to idea of a date, which felt like the right time based on the vibe, the content of our messages and the number of them.

I think it’s the fact that this is the online dating world that has made me suspicious of something that is actually quite a normal thing – wanting to wait a bit longer before meeting what, for all she knows, could be any old maniac from the internet.

So after my date idea was rejected, I thanked her for her honesty, said I understood, that it was not a problem, and that I was happy to keep chatting (she asked me if I wanted to). The truth is, I am happy to keep talking to her. It’s not like I am sitting back, twiddling my thumbs, waiting for the moment she gives the all clear for us to have a date. I have a first date lined up with someone else for Sunday, for example.

The reason I’m happy to be patient with this girl is because I do like chatting with her, she appeals to different sides of my personallity – the fun and the serious. There’s no harm in that. Of course, if it turns out I’m being catfished (I know you were thinking it) then of course it will be have been harmful. Harmful to my faith in humanity. I hate that online dating has turned me into such a cynic.

On the plus side, I’d have a dynamite blog post for you about ‘the time I was catfished’. So, every cloud, etc.

The main thing I’m making sure to do is not get invested in someone who, at this moment in time, is nothing more than photos and words on a screen. I’ve dehumanised her. And I will continue to dehumanise her until such as time as we meet so that if that fateful day should ever occur, and I find myself sitting opposite a 6 foot 4, German man in his 50s named Helmut with handle bar moustache and leather trousers with the arse cheeks cut out, at least I’ll be able to say “Aha I knew it!”, and with that knowledge I will be able to console myself.

Anyone reading this ever told someone from the online dating world that they like them, want to keep chatting, but aren’t ready to meet them yet?